i'd love to take you for a ride.
Welcome to my blog.
There's alot of
nostalgia here so bring along
your memory box as
I take you for a ride.
Click on the
9 puzzle pictures at the left
to navigate around my blog.
I'm just a simple girl living her life like how one should.
Trying to find a place in this big big world.
I don't like
instructions like tabs
to profile, entries and tagboard.
You shall click on all of them to
explore my little world of simplicity.
And if you
decided not to,
or you find here
boring,
feel free to click on the red little button with 'X'.
cos' we shall say goodbye.
Drowning but nobody saw the struggle.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
After so long.. only until today's ''heart-to-heart talk" I discovered something is really wrong with me and I am having a serious problem. I have been in this misery state and vicious cycle for too long..that I thought this is all I deserved..and I start living a life for others and as the time passes I can't even answer the very basic question..WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY? When is the last time I did something that makes me really happy?
I can't answer. I wonder. Took a long walk home. Sat in an isolated park to think things through and came to a conclusion.
I have been independent for too long. I forgot how to rely and be dependent on others.
I have been trying so hard to be the strong person that everyone think I am. And I forgot how to show people the weak side in me.
I have been alone for too long. That I don't know how to tell others when I am facing a problem.
I stop complaining. I stop sharing the problems I am facing. I stop expressing my negative emotions. I stop asking for help. I stop being myself.
The
three common questions that people might ask me:
Why did you stay when things are unbearable for you?
I stayed because my partner son is having PSLE, she needs her 1/2 day leave. The company is currently shorthanded and etc.
When was the last time you went out and why? (In the last 3 months)
I went out because of my Junior's graduation, my friend's birthday party, my friends wanted to meet.
Why did you not tell anyone about the problems you are facing?
Since everything I do is based on my decision I don't think I have the right to complain about it. Either I take it or I leave it. Period.
I have always been there for my friends. But I forgot I need someone to be there for me too. When things happened I just took it silently not even having the though of calling someone to talk about it. I literally built a jail and lock all my negative emotions in. I cried when I am alone but always try my best to be as happy as possible in front of everyone.
One day. Two days.. One week.. One month.. One year passed.
Slowly I got used to this and subconsciously I hypnotized myself thinking that all of this is normal. It is part and parcel of life. Part and parcel of growing up..I have been living a life for others not because I want to be the selfless person not because I want to be the good guy but because I have been so used to living for others that I don't know how to live a life for myself. I forgot that if I don't love myself no one else will.
It took me so long to realized that at the end of the day, strangers don't care. Friends and family don't understand. All I am left with is me, myself and I to depend on. It has been way too long since I think about "ME", "MYSELF" & "I"
When you are at your worst. You wonder when will things get better.
Trying too hard to be strong. Too independent. Alone for too long.
And now I find it hard to carry on..
1:11 AM
